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having a blast – ’sleeping all day staying up all night’ – pulled an all-nighter reorganizing the kitchen and toilet and generally cleaning up and finishing wongsie’s essay skeleton which i hope was decent and not off-topic (especially my fluffy start :/)

my lit class is awesome! everyone’s nice and fun and cool, at least for now. it’s early days yet! last thursday yati and i pulled off a metaphysical poetry presentation, love that girl!  

i love my roomie sha very much too! (: i remember how g said that you don’t need to be besties with your roomie, as long as you can be civilized it’s cool but i really love this girl! she’s very accommodating and motherly – happiness is coming home and seeing she’s there! it’s scary in hall room when you’re there by yourself. 

 

stupid YOG – everything’s under renovation unnecessarily – means no pantry GRRRRR!!!

-

so i did something colossally stupid today. i went to the tj website and read about how so many people i know got scholarships and got into really good schools and all, and it just makes me feel like crap. the weather seems to match my mood too – it looks like it’s going to rain.

sometimes i feel so articulate it feels like the words, they want to burst out of me in an endless stream of consciousness but other times i feel so out of place and at a total loss of words. sometimes when i want to be friendly or happy or to fill an awkward silence, i just can’t and i just chalk it up to a hunch that i may be socially retarded or i just don’t know how to get along with people. it doesn’t make me a bad person i hope. just maybe a lesser one?

it’s hard for me to get close to people and be fun – i’m still discovering myself and trying to figure out what makes me me – everyone else seems to be pretty set on it. and before she left for GEORGE, summer said that she needed to figure out who she was before she felt she could really be with someone and that’s exactly how i feel.

no one really understands why i love the OC so much – to them it is just a drama series – but really it’s taught me so much about relationships – not just boyfriend-girlfriend relationships but also friendships and parent-children relationships etc – and people and pop culture. not to mention it has an amazing soundtrack. i also love how it’s a mild satire, mocking the way things are – the way rich people are so judgmental or how unscrupulous they can be – and it’s taught me that in life, sometimes you need those silences and you dont need to reveal everything you know to everyone and only then do your witty one-liners work in a conversation.

i make fun of people who are emo by saying that they’re pretentious and dramatic and it gets on my nerves but the truth is i guess everyone’s entitled to their moments of weaknesses.

i’m glad school is still at the honeymoon stage so i can still goof off a bit but i do want to stay on track, i do.

on a lighter note, i love my roommate. she’s awesome cool and amazing fun.

will and olivia spoke to me in dialogue in my head today, and i was thinking i might revive some of those pet projects i used to nurse fantasies of completing. i guess i’ll just do a draft and an outline and blog it or something.

NEED MOAR CLOTHEZ AND MONEEEEE.

well this is really a stream of consciousness isn’t it.

Of Half Blood Prince/Tommy Baby and upcoming KL trip

Watched HBP today with Muddy! YAY! Twas the BEST movie date ever. Bought the tickets at 10am that morning for the 4.40pm show so we could get awesome couple seats which were <3, then later woke up from afternoon nap late at 4! Rushrushrushed to Downtown and made it just in time to buy popcorn and drinks (: cathay’s popcorn quite affordable, I realise. Anw, the movie was AWESUMMM. Tommy baby aka Tom Felton (Drakkie baby) had LOTS of screen time, and this time he wasn’t just skulking or blowing origami flying cranes sexily, he was practically the only eye candy, so swoonswoon when he came on. Movie was entertaining overall, though I suggest you pee beforehand. Right when credits rolled, I rushed out and dragged Muddy to the carpark exit coz I knew everyone else would come out by the other side and it would impede my goal of getting to a toilet asap. So! Tip if youre at Downtown cathay – go out by the carpark exit and go down the lift to avoid the crowd, especially at sold-out blockbusters like HBP. Kfc for buddy meal, then we walked home (: met varun and sean/zhongting on their date! Vava wearing his bookout spiffy attire. Very cool.

Cant wait for the KL trip i suggested to daddy. We’re leaving on 8 aug. The only problem is the travel agent wants us to spend most of our time at Nilai. I HATE NILAI. Its a damn depressing place. The only good thing we bought there was cloth and (personally) dettol hand sanitizer so i don’t get hepatitis. And the karaoke box there very cheap. But it’s so HOT AND STUFFY and disgusting I hate that place!!! I suggested mid-valley megamall, which has lots of good places to shop – 2 dept stores, Carrefour, esprit, Dorothy perkins etcetc and KRISPY KREME! OMG. Like of course want to go there can. Not stupid Nilai, with their DISGUSTING TOILETS, LACK OF AIRCON, and poor people. I mean, i respect your way of life and all, but it’s depressing to see poor people ok. Youre on holiday. You don’t want to see depressing poor people. You don’t want to go to a sweaty, stuffy, hot place that doesn’t sell anything to your interest. You wanna go to a place where there are department stores, and dressing rooms, and credit card machines, and neatly stacked merchandise, and proper toilets, and restaurants, and KRISPY KREME. A place like MIDVALLEY MEGAMALL. Or anywhere else. I don’t care. Berjaya Times, KLCC, One Utama, whatever, ANYTHING BUT NILAI BECOZ I REALLY REALLY HATE NILAIIIIIII. I hope we spend like 20+minutes there and continue on our way and spend the rest of the time at an airconditioned place like megamall. I know i sound like such a brat and all but hello. You get my point. You’re on h-o-l-i-d-a-y. You wanna be h-a-p-p-y. If we go to nilai, im gonna buy 20ringgit of tokens and play at the dingy karaoke boxes/arcade street fighter-esque games. UGH. And food there SUCKS BALLS TOO. Hate.
I tried calling marc today regarding my treat (: but his dad answered ): omg soooo embarrassing. I was like “hello? Marco! Marco! Hello?” then his dad was all oh are you looking for marc? Hes at camp. D: booooooooo.

Of today

Today was a whirlwind of magic, sparkles and happiness. Sophia and I had such a wonderful time together, and I am so so so lucky to have her in my life.

We went to Lido, one of my fave places ever, to watch Hannah Montana. Really glad that Soph agreed to it cause I know she prefers classier films, after all Soph is one very classy lady. We had a quick lunch just before which I got an SMS from MOE saying I got an offer. Timing was so uncanny cause I’d just been unloading on Soph about how insecure and afraid I was about all the uncertainty. Then, double whammy, after the movie, Soph got an SMS from her mum saying that she’d gotten an acceptance email from Leeds! Brilliant! That was what got me so so high. I was just so so happy for her. We hugged and spinned and Xiu told us to go jump and dance around like happy children, so we did. (: We went to Starbucks for a drink and met Wendy on the way! She asked where I was going and for the first time, I could actually reply! Omg. So so happy. Went to Kino so Soph could buy her Periplus Bali Map (: Then we went to Starbucks and got White Choc Mocha Fraps, which were too sweet so Soph got water to wash it down. Moved on to Borders, which was having 25% off Romance Novels. I got See Jane Score, which I’ve always liked, at $8! Yayyy. And Soph and I danced in the aisle between Romance and Sci Fi to Vanessa Williams’ “Save The Best For Last” until this uncle stared at us like we were crazy. M&S after that where we talked Brit and finally decided to go home.

I am so so glad I shared these moments with Soph. Wouldn’t have it any other way. (:

Cafe Galilee student deal dinner, surprisingly good and really a steal at $4.90. (:

ALERT! Project Runway Fanspiel!

[start spiel]

omg awesome awesome ep this week. so dramatic and full of suspense and SUCH a twist at the end of it. im not even gonna care about spoilers etc cause it wrapped up last year! i found out, and leanne won! omg! its not surprising, korto and her were my top picks, but whats really surprising was kenley got into top 3! like wth! shes SUCH an irritating whiny brat! even at the start of the season she was irritating with her incessant giggling that had already started to get on ppls nerves then she began to show her attitude and rudeness to tim which was TOTALLY uncalled for and sooo inappropriate. like tim is the nicest guy on earth and he’s such a perfect gentleman and he’s CCO of liz claiborne and you dare sass HIM? omg dumbness to the max. and she was so rude to heidi today! and nina and michael last week! like WTH!! why wasnt she eliminated! leanne pointed this out rightfully but i dunno. and she keeps on churning out the same ’50s dresses, its so predictable and boring.
drama too much, so i googled and just found out everything. heh. so no more staying up late wednesday night for me!

[/end spiel]

karaoke! next thursday! i hope!

Of movies

Watched Monsters vs Aliens. Forgettable.

Going to watch –> UP! with soph and the girls. sunday.

also going to watch:

ghosts of girlfriends past

hannah montana the movie 

the proposal

 

i like escaping, even just for a little while

Of post in which i no longer sound like myself

ooh i actually want to catch this one! tommy baby looks sooooooo good and yummy! and bonnie really grew into herself. yes, the h/g thing sucks and we all hate JKR for sinking our ship but ron and hermione are so cute, srsly.

speaking of which, i officially left my fangirl duties at dracoandginny.com’s classics library. they were so nice about it too, i really really love d/g fangirls, they’re THE BEST.Hi Maleficient (that reminds me of The Little Child to Lead Them, StrangerWithMyFace – a D/G classic if ever there was) ! 

I’m really sorry to have ignored all your emails etc, and I felt it was only decent of me to write back. 

Yeah, I’ve been really busy juggling work and stuff but the truth is I don’t really have passion for HP and HP fanfic anymore and I feel like it wouldn’t be fair for me to commit unless I’m really for it. I don’t even really log on to DandG.com anymore. So I decided to shirk librarian duties for RL stuff. I’m sorry I didn’t give prior notification, but I kinda still wanted to have the option to jump back if the old fangirl urges came back in full force, but they didn’t…

I regard HP and D/G fanfic as a phase of my life, a wonderful one, that I am moving on from.

I still think that what you guys are doing is a noble cause for the fanfic community and wish you all the very best.

Thank you for some of the best memories of my life.

Regards and best of luck,
Mariam / MandyAnne

 

She replied, bless her.

Hey, Mariam!

Thanks for replying! And thanks for all the time and effort you put into
the FICL. You are a great reviewer and we’ll miss you!

Good luck with everything you do!

And if the D/G fanfic bug ever bites you again, don’t hesitate to drop us
a line and come on back!

All the best,
Mal

 

SEE, d/g fangirls, so nice! love! and they write the BEST fanfic. many happy hours spent reading lovely lovely d/g fanfic.  

 

yes, my life is kinda sad now but i’m happy!happy! i am! i kinda cracked awhile back but i think after you get through that rough patch it’s a lot lot better. lots to do at work, we’re very busy with Monash College and University of Greenwich exams and O levels this week. the papers are quite okay, even the U ones! 

aish and me gonna have girls day out soon! and elis time on june 13th! 

 

I WANNA GO PLAY WITH MUDDY’S NEW CAT!!! so cute on the phone.

cannot wait for payday end of the month! and brunei V.V. soon! i love cikgu!

GSS soon! school hols = no tuition&madrasah soon! camp soon! coming soon –> ghosts of girlfriends past! need to watch!!

Of that time of the month

I went back to TJ on my off day on Tuesday to give Mr. Veera the present Chin and I got him – a huge-ass water bottle we bought from Mini Toons and Coke. But when I gave it to him, I spotted two 1.5l bottles on his table already! He claims he’s cut down a lot already though. (: I also gave Karyn her birthday surprise present – a balloon with three topless guys on it with the words “Hottie Birthday”. She refused to let it float, and covered it with a plastic bag. (:

I woke up last night to talk to Mrd for quite some time. I miss that.

Today, one of my tuition student’s fathers thanked me for helping the boy so much in his studies. It was nice. (:

Collecting passport from Paya Lebar Post next Thursday. Will stop by Geylang then to scout for tops.

When is the next DP sale, I want to get jeans for cheap. Should have gotten two pairs at the last clearance sale.

My financial situation is dire as the Brunei Trip looms ahead. To be fair, it was dire even before then. Being an adult is not fun, and it is very expensive.

None of the universities I applied to have gotten back to me, and I am quite worried.

As you can probably tell, I’m not very articulate today. I have cramps, and it is not fun. ): Pardon the excessive use of emoticons.

Of my brief conversations with myself&my imaginary friends on: positive discrimination

I thought it’d be an appropriate conversation starter, one of those random topics one peruses when making small talk to be polite.

“Hi, I’m Mariam,” I would say, “Nice to meet you. So, what are your thoughts on positive discrimination?”

Auntie A would splutter, “Positive what? Like pregnancy test, isit?!”

Yuppie B, who would like to seem intelligent but really has no idea what I’m talking about, would reply in a falsely-accented voice, “Ah yes, I have very positive thoughts on it… How’s the cheese?’ leaving me amused at his lack of awareness and abrupt shift in the topic of conversation.

And that would be it. Except that wouldn’t just be it, really. Affirmative action has the possibility of changing millions of lives, even my own; it isn’t just a long fancy multi-syllabic word.

I’ve done debates on it, of course, so I am aware of the principle behind its implementation as well as the pitfalls in its implementation. And yet, doing debates on it and talking about pros and cons in a vacuum is vastly different from experiencing it firsthand, and having it impact everyday people like you and me. It’s the same for every issue we talk about and discuss over fancy coffee tables while sipping catered gourmet tea while it goes on in a whirlwind outside the ivory tower.

On paper, affirmative action is usually granted to correct historical wrongs, and is administered to minorities (racial, religious or based on gender) who may be at a disadvantage when it comes to educational and job opportunities because of economic and socio-cultural circumstances, and usually comes in the form of quotas or preferential treatment. In reality, it goes against the principle of meritocracy that our government so persistently preaches, and privileges those who may not be as talented or as qualified for a job position or a place in a premier faculty.

Of course, at the crux of it, we ask ourselves – so which is more important: correcting a vicious cycle based on something that happened decades ago or upholding a principle we try to build our society on? The answer is never black or white, it’s in a gray area, and has to be qualified and measured in each case study.

Taking a look at the various countries that have implemented it in one way or another, this much is obvious – it invariably never works out the way it was supposed to have. Off the top of my head, I can think of the US of A, South Africa, Malaysia and Singapore. I don’t really feel like elaborating, but I will say this – it all sounds so magnanimous and idealistic – the idea that you’re helping those who are less fortunate help themselves. Yet sometimes help goes to those who don’t really need it at all, depriving another who does, thus not achieving the intended goal at all. Like in Malaysia – the poor Malays who need subsidies, grants, financial assistance, better schools, more job and training opportunities etc, don’t get it. It all goes to their richer and more influential counterparts, who don’t really need it at all. It’s hard to think about it and not get pissed off.

I guess the reason that I’m thinking about this is because I hope to benefit from it (don’t we all?). It sounds terribly selfish, but the reality is that I am a minority in multiple ways. It doesn’t make me very special – many of those from circumstances similar to or worse than my own are successful in more ways than one – but it does put me in a tricky situation, and I don’t enjoy the privileges that my peers take for granted – the freedom to wear whatever you want, the ability to speak the working language of the majority etc. I’m not whining, and I am certainly grateful for everything that has been given to me – a great education, a stable family with a stable source of income, a close-knit community – but economic circumstances are such that they give people who make up the majority a distinct advantage in multiple avenues, and it makes us minorities work twice as hard to get half of what they have.

Still, I guess c’est la vie.

Of Breakfast (at Delifrance, not Tiffany’s), and a quick update

I had breakfast with Marco Saturday morning, and he told me to update so I am. It was great to be able to talk to someone about stuff that I’ve been meaning to share and get off my chest for quite a while now, so thanks for that, M.

Quick status update: now working as a part-time admin assistant at the Exams Admin Dept of a private school at City Hall. The office birds are all quite lovely, and everyone is friendly and willing to help. My hours are 10.30am to 7.30pm weekdays and 9 to 1 Saturdays, with lunch usually around 1 to 2, if you’d like to know. Do drop me a text if you want to hang out, because I’d love to have a spot of fun after work or during lunch if it’s possible!

I’ve quickly established a routine now (I love routines, they’re very comforting because they’re so predictable and dependable). I’ve also taken to ensuring that I have some reading material for the bus/MRT ride to and from work so that I preoccupy myself and besides, it makes the trip seem shorter. I re-read Austen’s Northanger Abbey the other day, and I fell in love with its hero Henry Tilney once again. He’s very unlike Mr. Darcy, but twice as hot because, unlike Darcy, Mr. Tilney is witty, affable and generally very likeable. NA is, unlike P&P, very light-hearted and, I think, the closest to modern chick lit. I’ve also taken to Julia Quinn’s Bridgerton books, they’re very captivating and well-written, with brilliantly believable characters who are easy to relate to. My favourite character so far is Penelope Bridgerton née Featherington, who overcomes her lack of popularity and beauty to achieve her goals.

I’ve decided that I’m quite in love with the stationary cabinet at work. It has that lovely comforting smell of fresh, virgin stationary – unsharpened, untouched 2B pencils from Stabilo no less, new still-in-the-box pens in a variety of colours, files, coloured papers… It’s quite heavenly. It’s like a closet to another world, very C. S. Lewis and The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe.

I couldn’t find my wallet this morning. Thankfully, I’d kept some backup money in a very safe place, so I used that to take bus/MRT to work. I have a sneaky suspicion that I’d left it at Madrasah yesterday.

Speaketh of which, yesterday for my Level 3 class, I kopped a chapter from Teacher A’s textbook on Forgiveness and I realized that I need to put some of the wisdom imparted in the chapter to use myself. I know I’m quick to take action if someone does something to me, and I now remind myself to take a breath and think twice before doing anything rash or stupid.

I need to brush up on my French. I’m very rusty from lack of practice. I’ve got to remind myself to pack my verb book and vocabulary book for the morning rides.

Tuition is now at the Kids’ home instead of at the Tuition Centre.

‘just to keep track of stuff’ really is just that – it’s for me to keep track of stuff in my life when the urge to type it out strikes, which may or may not be that often. Usually, it’s the latter, but I will try to make an effort to update more often so when I look back at these archives, I won’t have huge gaping holes in my life.